I used to be the blogger called YAL Book Briefs, but I grew bored of the handle and changed my name to Howdy YAL. I also respond to MJ. I like to read, write, eat truffles, and watch bad Lifetime movies.
Disclaimer: The above blogger watches and laughs at a lot of fringe history shows on H2 and related networks. Even though most of the things that come out of these hosts’ mouth is poppycock, the stuff they base their crazy theories on is fascinating. And because she likes the concept of them and is reviewing a horrible (oops, spoilers) historical, well, she just had to get her inner Scott Wolter/Georgio Tsoukalos on. Obviously, she does not have her own show on H2 or any other network that likes to air these sorts of shows. Also, she received a free copy of this book from Book Chic. It did not change her opinion of the book. Though, she is glad she had the opportunity to read it.
Welcome, to Real or Fiction. Where I your host, the so called female Indiana Jones of bookology….dishonorary Dr. MJ will look at books and history.
Did you know everything that you read is true?
Don’t believe me? Well, lots of people believe in giants even though there’s no hardcore evidence because they were mentioned in the Bible. Same goes with aliens….though I don’t think there were any books about calling ET home. That’s not the point. My show is to find the truth behind fiction. That some things are, well, stranger than fiction…..
This is the part if I had any sort of a budget for this blog you’d be getting flashy graphics with me reading and pointing out the “truth”. Followed by a shot of the good old USA because these sort of shows love ‘merica fisting.
Okay, did you like the credits. They’re probably the most interesting part of the show. But keep on watching (errr…reading I forgot that this is a blog not a vlog, since I haven’t had near enough coffee to make me peppy enough to be a book-tuber). Today we’re going to be discussing Forbidden which has a lot of belly dancing, slut slamming, and good old Mesopotamia in it.
Yes, we have history: slut slamming.
Oh, yeah, Ancient Mesopotamia is our history.
Let’s get boring here. Because despite the network’s demand that I make this 99.9% bull shit, I can’t talk a lot of it but I’ll give you the particulars: cradle of civilization, the first form of writing, the first epic poem. Lots of culture there. Lots to talk about.
But rather than exploring this rich culture in book world we’re here to talk about love. And that’s of course where things get interesting.
Yeah, I know this doesn’t involve the templars, aliens, the Holy Grail, or anything remotely interesting…but I’ll get to the juicy part at the end of the review.
I have to you know for ratings (err…views…I keep forgetting that this is a blog).
Ah, romance. Now that according to all our shows is the real power in the world. The power of love. Now, while many have speculate that the power of love has no true monetary value, on this show we’ve got to thinking it has to be something.
What does it transcend to in Forbidden…a sequel.
That’s right, a sequel. To be fair, I was only able to translate about half of this one but then stopped…err… someone on the show made cookies and I thought it was better to analyze them (one word: tasty).
Though in the half of the book I read, I think having a sequel about a mopey heroine in the desert with a very obvious choice to make isn’t that fun to read about.
Who knows though maybe the Templars or some aliens get involved in the second half and make it worthy to discuss.
That being said, the first half of the book is very bare bones when it comes to plot. All we have is dancing, lots and lots of dancing, to the point where it’s almost a fetish. There are reviews that discuss the dancing fetish more in depth. Though for those of you who want to here this show’s POV on it. I’ll just leave you with this one little quote.
“Form a circle around around Rebekah,” Nalla said. “We’re going to do the birthing dance to help her breathe through teh pains and to help the baby move more easily.” (46)
According to most people with a brain,doing the cha cha isn’t going to make much of a difference for someone having labor. Maybe they’ll throw their ice chips at you, but that’s about it.
But of course, if anything books have taught us….that we’re wrong.
And on this show I’m here to explore the truth. That’s why I fictionally went the maternity wing and did the tango, the cha cha, the waltz, and a very bad version of the macarena while some random stranger’s were in labor.
Um, the results.
Security kicked me out. But hey, the video went fictionally viral and that’s all that matters right?
So, thanks book.
See, that fictional advice paid off.
So, the dancing did help.
I’m sure that some pregnant lady is watching my Youtube video while trying to deliver her child and it’s helping with her labor.
Though the ice chips and drugs probably help a lot more.
Okay, so we can put a big fat check mark that dancing in front of a woman giving birth is so going to help her.
Dancing seems to be the answer to everyone’s problem in this book. They do it all the time. When they’re engaged, when they are slut slamming someone, when they bury their dead.
Who knew I needed to do the hokey pokey all the time?
Besides the dancing, the book seemed to focus a lot of time on the purity myth. If this wasn’t a script for a fictional TV show the host right now would be a bitching about how that theme drove me to DNF-ing the book. But since my fictional network forces me to have a smile on my face and give every point of view a fair chance even if it is archaic and offensive, I have to try to rationalize it.
Excuse me, for a minute.
If you’re just wondering I lost my lunch.
Okay, so how to frame slut slamming where it’s not offensive….
See, dancing in skimpy outfits and living a good life means that the aliens aren’t going to like you when they come back. Remember in Independence Day when Vivica Fox and her friend. They were earning money for taking off their clothes and dancing and look what happened….the aliens destroyed their club and poor Vivica Fox barely survived with that dog of hers.
Man, I was glad that that dog lived. That slow mo scene really freaked me out for a minute.
So, moral of the story is this book is trying to teach us that if you dress in skimpy clothes and like to dance for money the aliens are going to get mad.
I’m surprised that the alien apocalypse didn’t occur when the Ana Nicole Smith story got turned into a Lifetime movie. Or anytime the Kardashians are on TV.
I’m not going to dive into that much further because shows like this can’t dive into such complicated questions….
But the slut slamming, totally used to prevent alien invasions. And the dancing really does help child birth.
Any other discoveries from this book….oh,yeah….love triangles. Power of love. Another clue to find the greatest treasure of all.
I know, we had to put a treasure part in here.
This is our on going hunt-obviously, you have to have one of these things to keep viewers interested-so let’s see what we discovered about the power of love in this book:
1) It happens instantaneously.
2) There doesn’t need to be an actual conversation. Dancing is enough or blinking is enough to equal chemistry.
3) It makes people do crazy shit.
So, what does this tell me about the power of love it must be something technologically advance and extremely expensive.
What could it be: alien technology, Templar treasure, Barney the dinosaur, or something so awesome that the network can’t tell you to the next show.
Overall Thoughts: DNF. While there were some intriguing things about Forbidden, I hate to say for this book fringe reality show it just didn’t have enough oomph to it to make me want to finish it.