I used to be the blogger called YAL Book Briefs, but I grew bored of the handle and changed my name to Howdy YAL. I also respond to MJ. I like to read, write, eat truffles, and watch bad Lifetime movies.
There’s only one reason I’m writing this.
Because she ruined my REVENGE!!!
All those years stuck in a smelly wedding dress and for WHAT….
My Estella actually did something, but this chick….well, she gives all the Estella’s a bad name.
I need someone to box that Pip boy’s ears again I swear.
Oh yes, where am I. This retelling of the book that my story was based off of, Great Expectations by Charles Dickens (who totally got things wrong by the way), got things even more wrong than Dickens did.
Is such a thing possible?
Well, it is. While Dickens at least made us seem realistic and had Estella be the tart that she truly is, NOT so much with Ms. Moore’s novel.
Instead, she’s more concerned with how my daughter dresses.
Guess what Ms. Moore…no one cares how anyone is dressed except for MY wedding dress. I’ve read said dress over forty years. Still it smells and is all yellow and disgusting, but it was THE dress of the century. And it’s enough to scar young readers as well. Or at least be extremely careful when picking out their dress at David’s Bridal,because who knows how long you’ll be wearing said dress.
And they especially don’t want to dress like a trollop whose fashion icon is Enoby from My Immortal. Don’t believe me. Let’s compare their outfits:
I am Her Revenge:
I wear the uniform I was required to buy, but I know it looks nothing like anyone else’s. I shortened the red and black plaid skirt and ripped the hem, making it jagged and frayed. I paired it with black tights and sparkly gold ballet flats, to soften teh edginess of the skirt. My white skirtsleeves are rolled up to my elbows to show off arms cluttered with bangles: gold and red and black. I’ve bared my throat, having unbuttoned my shirt until you can see just a hint of cleavage, though there’s not much to show. The pale skin of my neck and the vulnerable cut of my collarbones will be the focal points. I painted on a thin dash of black eyeliner making my deep blue eyes pop. I skipped the blush and added dark red lipstick to contrast with my pale skin.
Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN:if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I”m not related to Gerald Way but wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampier but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m a seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love HOt Topic and I buy all my clothes there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, black eyeliner, and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was ver happy about.
Source: My Immortal Fanfiction.net
Hmm, both are dressed eerily similar (and horrible).
Now, let’s talk about what made Estella such the perfect revenge in the Dickens book:
1) She was Soulless and Calculating
Vivian is not like my Estella. All she cares about is her lipstick. If it doesn’t involve lipstick, her planning is zip to none.
Rather, than listening to her mother she seems to have paid more attention to Tina Fey movies that were made in the mid 2000’s since she keeps talking about queen bees. I actually had to watch said movie to know what she was talking about, such frivolous things.
What is a queen bee I ask? In my day we never used such a foolish term.
2) She Didn’t Give a Rat’s Ass About Pip:
Sorry, for my language. That’s the editor of the post. She thinks that my language was too mild and indirect, but regardless it gets the point across. Estella felt very little for Pip. I trained her to soulless. In this rendition of the story, Vivian wants to make out with Pip with very little thought.
And she’s suppose to be getting my revenge.
If she was in the Victorian era I’d order someone to flog her.
3) Estella knew how to make a decent cup of tea. I doubt that Vivian even knows that the Queen’s drink is tea.
This book takes place in my beloved Britain, Yorkshire to be frank-a little droll, but still a part of the queen’s land. But other than an occasional mention of tosser or bloody, there is absolutely no indication that these characters are in England. They act completely uncivilized like those bloody colonists.
See I used bloody that automatically makes me British.
That and I am from England, unlike the editor/blogger who is completely butchering my speech.
4) Estella Was a Mysterious Character Who Wasn’t Forthcoming in Her Emotions
We all know what Vivian was a sad YA character who’s motives get skewed because of a boy. That never happened with Estella especially in the original ending BEFORE it was rewritten to suite the masses (i’m not a member of the masses).
Unfortunately, I could not keep up with such drivel after awhile. Such reading becomes drivel after awhile. And one must do something else when they’ve been wearing a wedding gown and haunting a ruin since their house burned down all those years ago. I’m really hoping eventually I’ll get bumped up to being one of those Christmas ghosts. More exposure, but alas all those roles are book solid (thanks Dickens, not).
Overall Rating: DNF emphasis on the F. I was SHOCKED to see that this book got published, let alone the fact that the author has a degree from Harvard. This book was just horrible.
Disclamer: Obviously, I do not own Ms. Havisham that would belong to Charles Dickens (well, technically the public domain now since he’s been dead for a very, very, long time). I merely used her to illustrate my hatred for this book. Too bad for her, I’m not a huge fan of hers. I probably can’t write her correctly either since I’m not from the 19th century and try to steer clear of Dickens except at Christmas when I’m forced to see Tiny Tim survive Christmas five billion times each year. Which is why I prefer the Blackadder version of the Christmas story where Ebenezer Blackadder tells him to stuff it.