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HowdyYAL

Howdy YAL!

I used to be the blogger called YAL Book Briefs, but I grew bored of the handle and changed my name to Howdy YAL. I also respond to MJ. I like to read, write, eat truffles, and watch bad Lifetime movies. 

In Which Ingrid Does NOT Wear a Cardigan: Witches of East End (Episode 1.5)

Good news folks, Ingrid does not wear a single cardigan in this episode.  Obviously, TPTB listen to me.  Or maybe not since she whines and mopes more than normal.

That in itself has me scared.

I should mention also mention this, remember how happy I was last episode when Not Andy died because I'd never be forced to see him and Ingrid interact with awkwardly with each other again.

 

I didn't get my wish.  For most of this episode.  I had to watch what was a pathetic reenactment of Ghost with worse CGI and no Patrick Swayze to have my heart a bopping.  Instead, I had to deal with Ingrid whining and wearing something that resembled a nightgown on Little House on the Prairie.  That being said, there were some decent things about this episode.

 

Like Ingrid not wearing a cardigan and I finally found the perfect name for Dash--which I'll get to in a bit.

 

The episode of course starts with the moping and Ingrid looking all crazy when Wendy (the only Beauchamp with any sense) comes and checks on her before talking to not Andy.

 

Cue the credits.

 

And we cut to Freya who found an old wedding dress that we'll later find out was Ingrid's death gown.  Romantic right?

 

Then we flash to Jo and Wannabe Cole who's actual name is Harrison I found out.  This is actually hilarious given a line that is said later in the episode.

 

Freya's at work which means that she's flirting with Killian.  It's sort of hilarious that these people at whatever bar it is that Freya works at never work.  Anyway, Freya spots Dash's dead girlfriend and doesn't realize she's dead.

 

More ghost/witch romance.  Since this is not The Mediator series by Meg Cabot, I could care less.  Also, I sort of know that on the show he's leaving after this episode so why should I care.  Automatic fashforward on the DVR.

 

OOh, court scenes.  I sort of have to laugh at these sorts of things given that they're never accurate.  I mean, look how nice and pristine that courtroom looks and empty.  And the judge is so willing to make the parties behave.  Oh yeah, this was so not a David E. Kelly production.  The witness admits she doesn't remember seeing anything and goes delusional.  Obviously, this causes for a dismissal since there's no evidence and no one wants to get slammed by CNN for this.

 

Back to Ingrid who tells Not Andy he's dead.  He takes it pretty well (not).  I continue to fashforward because I really don't give a shit.

 

When Freya wears Ingrid's wedding dress Wendy freaks out because Ingrid died in it.  I really can't blame Freya for not knowing since it didn't come with a cardigan.  Anyway, Wendy Prue's off the dress and Freya is wearing a slip which actually would be a more appropriate wedding dress for her.

 

Freya is freaking out about the Not Dead girlfriend and tells Wendy about it.  Wendy tells her to do the sensible thing talk to Dash.  Really, I don't understand why this character gets yelled at by Jo all the time.  She's the only one who makes freaking sense.

 

Once Jo's case is dismissed, Harrison is like let's get it on.  Jo is weirded out about the quick dismissal.  She eventually decides to get drunk with Harrison which is what sensible people do.

 

Not Andy figures out he's dead.  Cry, cry, cry.  More fashforward as Ingrid tells him she's a witch and wants to have witch/ghost sex with him.

 

I have to say this episode is really annoying me at this point, mainly because it reminds me of a bad episode of Charmed with some Ghost thrown in.  And I love Ghost.  It's the only sad movie I like.  Maybe if there would've been some buildup between Not Andy and Ingrid, and Ingrid wouldn't be all crazy all the time, I might've liked them but man...I want Suze and Jesse and ghost/human relationship that actually works. Note, Suze is not a witch.  Maybe that's why it works.

 

Back to the bar, where you guess it, Freya is there to "work".  Really, even soap opera characters work sometime.  All Freya does it flirt and apparently yell at the ex--girlfriend who she learns is dead.  

 

And then we cut to commercial and I see that there's going to be a Lifetime Christmas movie with Dolly Parton.  I love Dolly Parton.  Obviously, I'm going to DVR this one.  Hopefully, Dolly will be able to move her face.  She's almost had so much plastic surgery you have to wonder if her lips can actually move.

 

Back to the TV show (because I have to-unfortunately),  Jo yells Wendy for saving her ass.  Really, Wendy shouldn't put up with this shit.  She's the best freaking character on this show.  Anyway, Jo continues to drink she and Harrison look at each other.  While Wendy deals with Freya's shit the Dead Ex-Girlfriend.  They realize that Ingrid has been playing with the spirit world.  They tell her what an idiot she is.  She cries and tells them she's not sending her boyfriend back to the realm of the dead since she wants to have ghost sex with him.

 

Okay, I'm just going to say it right now.  I hate TV Ingrid more than I hated Book Ingrid which should be impossible.  While it's true that I loved Book Ingrid up till  her virginity became a major plot point, TV Ingrid absolutely sucks.  Really, there's nothing redeemable about her.  I get she's trying to be Lifetime quirky but it's gone way too far.  And mopey bad pajama dress Ingrid is worst than Cardigan Ingrid and that's saying something.  I don't want to be mean to the actress either.  Yes, her voice is grating to me, but I think it's more the way the character is written than anything else.

 

Jo and Harrison are getting it on (we all saw that coming) she zaps her clothes on and decides to play mommy even though Harrison wants to eat Chinese food.  Honestly, I'd eat the dumplings with the hot naked guy and ignore my loon of a daughter, but who am I to judge?  This thirty second scene showed waaaaaay more chemistry than Not Andy and Ingrid ever did.  But I guess Julia Ormond did learn from the best.  After all, she did makeout with Harrison Ford and Brad Pitt.

 

There's Dash being all McSoapy (yes, that's his new name).  He really knows how to put those scrubs to good use as his ex-girlfriend tries to haunt him.  His new girlfriend interrupts tries to get her Suze Simon on and fails epically.  The ex-girlfriend ghost decides to bother Killian.  And electrocutes him.  

 

Meanwhile, the neighbor went nuts because of Wendy and Jo lectures her.  Even though Jo really doesn't have much to talk about because she killed a guy.  Wendy finally tells her off and walks away.  I really can't say I blame her.  She's the only character on this show with a brain.

 

Ingrid then tells Not Andy that it's her fault she croaked and that he can only stay for the night.  He takes her craziness surprisingly well.  I fashforward.  

McSoapy of course rescues Dash.  He really doesn't even do much, but look at him.  I mean, this guy really would fit in so well at General Hospital.  Just saying... 

 

Wendy and Jo make up.  Jo says a line that makes me laugh when she says I slept with Harrison because the actress, Julia Ormond, starred in a rom com with Harrison Ford.  And of course my mind goes to dirty places when it involves one Indiana Jones

.

Killian wakes up looking remarkably like Matt Bomer via Season One of White Collar he is still  trying to steal Freya even from a hospital bed.  It's sort of pathetic.  McSoapy comes in and Freya of course sucks face with him.  

 

Freya confronts the attempted murderer unlike a smart person who would've hired Suze Simon or even Zak Bagans if they were really desperate and couldn't find a fictional character to do their dirty work.

 

Jo talks some sense into Crazy Ingrid to return Adam back to the land of the dead.  She's not that nice and honestly I'm sort of glad about it.  Though I probably would've just told Ingrid to fuck off.

 

Yes, that's my motherly advice. Actually, that's what my mother would say to me if I acted that way.  However, she probably wouldn't have used the word fuck. So, maybe I'm actually more maternal than I think (yay! me). 

 

So Ingrid and Freya go to the cemetery and send the ghosts back to the beyond.  Ingrid tells Not Andy he can't ever come back.  It's probably true, unless of course ratings get bad and they decide to let him back on the show.  Really, these not-exorcism scenes are sort of pathetic.  I prefer the exorcisms that Meg Cabot provides in The Mediator series.  That murderous ex-girlfriend needed the Heather treatment. Instead of a freaking reenactment of the kiss scene from Ghost.

 

Another favorite movie of mine ruined.  Thank you very much, Lifetime.

 

Bastards.

 

We cut to the end where Jo and Wendy made Crazy Lady's delusions a little less violent and Ingrid is walking mournfully in the cemetery-still no cardigan, but in a reasonably decent blue dress-where she passes an old tombstone with her name on it.

 

Overall Rating: D+  there were a few interesting things about this episode.  But God Ingrid is just................let me just say that this show needs to take another page out of Charmed and have a long lost Beauchamp sister come out of the woodwork after Ingrid fatally injures herself.

 

And yes, I know I am not a nice person.