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Howdy YAL!

I used to be the blogger called YAL Book Briefs, but I grew bored of the handle and changed my name to Howdy YAL. I also respond to MJ. I like to read, write, eat truffles, and watch bad Lifetime movies. 

Witches of East End 1.6: Obviously, No One Has Read the Samantha Books

It's episode six of this show!


It's actually sad that this show is still on the air


I know I sound so cynical, but after last weeks episode, I think I have a right to question the status of this show.  I mean, how is watching a cardigan obsessed librarian, quality entertainment?


You know what, I don't care.

It's time to watch yet another episode in which they make a mockery over the Edwardian era.


I should mention this right now, I had (still have) a Samantha Parkington doll when I was growing up and was obsessed with her era (which is the Edwardian era, despite the fact that American Girl improperly categorized it as the Victorian era).  One thing about those American Girl books, despite the melodrama-and boy, is Samantha filled with melodrama with kidnapping orphans and saving old men from dying of a concussion- they actually do teach you some things about history.  I think that if the creators of the show would've read these books when they were younger, well...this episode might've come off a little better.

Note, I'll probably be referring to those characters a lot in this recap.  So, if you didn't grow up with American Girl you should check out their Wikia if your curious about the hot uncle and cantankerous grandma I keep referring to.


Bastardizing history aside, this wasn't a terrible episode.  Well, there were parts of it that were bizarre, unnecessary, and quite frankly off putting, but I've gotten to the point to accept this with this show.

It's sort of sad.


Also, it's not like it's the worse thing to every appear on Lifetime.  That currently goes to A Country Christmas Story--which yes, I watched and yes I'll be reviewing in the near future (probably when the Wordpress version of the blog goes live).  But is it quality entertainment: hell no.


The episode starts off with Freya swimming in the pool where she bumps into Killian who is taking Dash's place as being bare chested in the first commercial of the episode.  He has a Matt Bomer thing going on with him when he looks wet and it's nice.  If this show is ever canceled he can join Dash on General Hospital.  Both of them are so pretty, speaking of Dash he interrupts this flirting session.  Sadly, he does not strip.  Though he does look nice dressed.  Freya and him continue to be all happy much to Killian's dismay.


Ugh, Ingrid.  She's not wearing a cardigan yet (obviously still in mourning) and Heather Webber's younger sister (Killian and Dash's momma) shows her a picture of Ingrid in the Edwardian era.  FYI, the way she's styled would make Samantha Parkington's grandmother throw a fit.


Freya is having a girl power realization with Wendy, saying she was able to tell Killian no when he was walking around sans night.  Obviously, this girl has never seen a Twilight movie.


Ingrid laments to Joanna about her bad photo.  She's wearing a cardigan (light blue) again.  I'm glad she's gotten back into her cardigans, I was sort of worried about her.  She's whining about not knowing anything about her past life.  Time to get a therapist and get hypnotized.  Jo tells her she doesn't want to carry the baggage from her past life...foreshadowing.

Dash is examining Killian.  I sort of have flashbacks when Grey's Anatomy was good at this point and Dash has an assistant who looks just like Dr. Hank's assistant from Royal Pains sans British accent.  She actually has pretty good chemistry with Killian.  Obviously, Freya will eventually hate her.  I actually hope though that they keep her on.  She's a lot more likable than Ingrid and she's only been on for about five seconds.


Meanwhile Ingrid is getting high on magic brownies.  I have no words, but this is the sort of PSA people should have to keep people from doing drugs.  This is the antithesis of how people want to act when they're on drugs.  And Lifetime really over does it for the rest of the episode, just FYI.


And she ate a whole pan of them.  You know that her digestion system is eventually going to play havoc on her.  Not before she has a weird Orgy Porgy dream first.

I kid you not.  I'm actually surprised that this scene got on basic cable.  It's just bizarre on so many levels.  At first I had to really wonder if there were LSD or something in those magic brownies.


And this is during the Edwardian era, FYI.  Where button up was in vogue.  And here Ingrid is having sex in front of like a dozen people.


Once again, Grandmary would not approve.


Dash and his assistant continue the Greys-ish like plot save for the medical thing they're talking about involves magic not actual science and they don't have sex in the examining room.  Poor Dash.  Oh, wait there's Freya she might...she sees the magical mystery parasite thing and steals it.


Ingrid is still having magic brownie delusions (obviously no one cares to check on her) and we have more Edwardian flashbacks.  These actually look fairly decent, though it is sort of funny that all these Edwardian people are going to voodoo shops.

There's Ingrid's old boyfriend.  Obviously, she hasn't told anyone else what's going on since they all hate him like the Halliwells hated Cole Turner.


Freya brings home the parasite thing and finds out that you touch it you die.  Of course, she starts washing her hands profusely.  If she knew my sister, I'm sure she'd be drenching her hands in Purell right about now.


Wendy tells her no sweat, you have to make a potion.  Freya's like I'm freaking out so you should make the potion, but Wendy's like nope you make it because your the best potion maker ever.  Even though in this life the only potions you make are the ones people get drunk off of.


More Edwardian era flashback.  Ingrid comes visit with her hair half down-Grandmary does not improved.  I think they're trying to get a Jane/Rochester vibe between Ingrid and Archibald.  It doesn't work since Jane Eyre is a lot more kickass than Ingrid.  Turns out Ingrid is evil in this life (where have I seen this before) and turns an old lady young.  Of course, there are going to be consequences.  But who cares right then in there, those two are living in the cult of evil glory.


Freya makes a potion cue bad montage with a band I have never heard and don't care for.  And now, cue the awkward scene where Freya must get everyone drunk.  You can all stop groaning now.


During the awkwardness, Dash tells Freya to shut up when it comes to talking about his work.  Apparently, he uses Freya as an escape.  Obviously, there are cracks in their relationship that Lifetime is fully intending to exploit later on in the season.   Dash tries to cover it up though by asking her to marry her that weekend, she agrees and the fight is forgotten for the time being.


Grandmary, would not be impressed with her couch being fornicated on.  Or for that matter a lady who is not married being the one to be having intercourse on said couch.  At least Evil Ingrid has more chemistry with Archibald than Dead not Andy.  That's sort of sad.  I almost thought Archibald was Troy-the really hot Thor wannabe in the book series.  But considering how sadistic he is, that's hopefully not the case.  Anyway, Elizabeth (old lady that turns young) dies and right after that her old brother comes in like Maurice from Beauty and the Beast demanding to see his sister.  I should mention that Ingrid and Archibald have obviously just had sex by the way they are dressed--Archibald isn't wearing a shirt and Ingrid is wearing a bathrobe that doesn't cover much at all.


This is the Edwardian era, producers.




If Samantha Parkington got in trouble for snagging her tights, you can only imagine the sort of shit that would go down if two unmarried people were found in their bathrobes back then.


But I digress.


It seems the drunk party moved from the bar to the pool.  And holy cow, both guys are in their swimsuits.  Lifetime you do impress.  That gives the episode a point right there.   In their drunken stupor they talk about how there are catacombs under the house and they want to explore them.  It's the most random thing ever. But their drunk, so I guess it's okay for them to talk about it.


And back on the voyage of the Magic Brownie...Past Wendy confronts Ingrid and tries to have an intervention since Ingrid is in a wedding dress that is way too low cut for the period and is like you can't marry Archibald.


Obviously, Days of Our Lives didn't exist in that period or Wendy would've known this technique does not work.  And man, Ingrid just looks crazy in those shots.  I know that is completely subjective but the way they have her hair styled...Happy Acres is in her near future.


Catacomb exploring: Freya and Killian bonding.  Roll your eyes time.  Though I have to say, Freya here in TV-verse is way more tolerable than Freya in book-verse.  It's so totally going to be Killian for the end game though, you can just tell with the way the pacing is here.  In the midst of the catacombs, Freya finds a lot of those bug things.  She freaks out and is found by Dash.


Ingrid continues her magic brownie delusions as Wendy confronts Archibald like a crazy lady.  This has mixed results considering that Ingrid dies as a result of it.  Hey, whose kidding, it's not mixed.  It's fantastic.  Too bad that Ingrid is alive now. And it seems that dying results in Ingrid becoming sober (damn it).


Freya and Dash walk back from the catacombs and agree that maybe marrying at a later date is a better idea (you think). This is of course filled with mushiness, meaning that there's a high chance that these two kids are toast.


Joanna gives Ingrid the rundown what happened after Ingrid kicked the bucket.  How it basically made her have a hundred year old feud with Ingrid and how she watched the little kid that is soon revealed to be Dash and Killian's momma.


At the end Freya tells everyone about the killer plants while Dash notices the bugs(bet he's glad he got that booster shot now) and Ingrid is awkwardly avoiding Wendy (the coolest person on the planet for killing past Ingrid).