Howdy YAL!

Leprechauns will never be sexy.

Just saying it now.

Think about it:

Do you find the Lucky Charms guy sexy?

If you do that’s your prerogative.  I get that there is a sizable group of people obsessed with breakfast cereal mascots. Though personally, if you’re into cereal mascots I think you could do better than Lucky.

But you can’t tell me the leprechaun in the movie that Jennifer Aniston was in before she was Jennifer Aniston was sexy.  Even if he was six feet tall.

Which he was not.

That’s the sort of sexiness McKale has in this book.

First of all that name.

Have you had kale.

So not sexy.

This book wants to be sexy though.  And I think that’s why it fails so utterly in its face besides the fact it involves major slut slamming.  Characters who are too unrealistic to live. And it shits on Ireland at the same time by constantly saying the word shitballs (yes, and I thought sweet baby Jesus as a catch phrase was bad).

As I’ve stated many times before, I studied abroad in Ireland.  While I am by no means an expert and not about to become a travel guide of the country, I do know that the sun doesn’t go down when most people eat dinner in said country during the summer.  But what do I know…

Oh, and people don’t talk like freaking leprechauns in the country.  Except maybe at the leprechaun museum, which I did not visit because I had better things to do.  That and I was coerced into studying human rights law, so that I could sort of   not be on vacation.  Oh, and people don’t live in hobbit holes that lack modern plumbing either.  The student housing apartments might have crappy internet and lame TV, but they do have adequate plumbing.  Just saying.

I hate having to write down this stuff, but after reading this book there are seriously people out there (like Wendy Higgins) who don’t know this.

This was honestly my second chance with Wendy Higgins.  I really had mixed to negative feelings about her debut, Sweet Evil.  But still, I wanted to relive my summer so I picked up the book.

Plus, it was only two bucks.

Then I read it and, well, if you can see the gif below you know my face melted off.

I get why this book was independently published after reading it.  And it’s not for those good reasons where the book is so fantastic, a bit edgy, that most traditional publishers would give it a pass.  Instead, it’s haphazardly written where you almost think its parody.  But it’s not.

I really don’t think Higgins thinks its parody.  I may be wrong, but that’s just my interpretation.  The whole basis of the plot is disturbing enough.  A girl who has basically been promised her entire life to this random stranger in Ireland is going all gaga about arranged marriage until she hears that she’s marrying a leprechaun.  And then threats about his height complete with derogatory name calling.

Don’t worry guys, Kale is like really, really, tall.  Must be all that kale he’s eating.

When she was going on her rant about short guys, my jaw really couldn’t help but drop.  Really, what the hell was I reading? She’s not upset she’s in an arrange marriage until she realizes she might be marrying a guy who’s not six feet perfect.

Once she realizes Kale head is tall, which in terms of leprechauns is a bad thing, the rest of the book is focused on slut slamming some poor girl whose name I forget because they call her some obnoxious name that I really don’t remember.  Oh, throw in a pregnancy scare.  And an unhappy ending for those who have sex before marriage you have this book.

Really, this one is one for the WTF books.  Its definitely going to be on my quarterly report this month on the worst list.  This wasn’t what I wanted.  It could’e worked.  Even the whole leprechauns being sexy thing might’ve worked if it was handled correctly.  As it was it was boring, insta love, boring, he doesn’t love me, boring, slut slamming , boring, dress porn, boring, boring, more slut slamming, and boring. I really wanted Jennifer Aniston to be chased by a crazed demonic leprechaun that’s how bored I was.

F.  Just no.  Just no.