1411 Followers
132 Following
HowdyYAL

Howdy YAL!

I used to be the blogger called YAL Book Briefs, but I grew bored of the handle and changed my name to Howdy YAL. I also respond to MJ. I like to read, write, eat truffles, and watch bad Lifetime movies. 

Please, Let This be a Parody

Vampire Kisses - Ellen Schreiber

 

here’s no way I can talk about Vampire Kisses with a straight face.  If it was intended on being written as a parody then Schreiber succeeded.  If it was written to be a serious romance. Then…

 

 

 

 

This is bad guys.  So bad.  It’s like the literate version of My Immortal.

 

 

Take every Goth stereotype known to man, add some really out dated vampire references (including a cringe inducing cameo by Anne Rice), and top that off with a couple of romances that don’t make any sense then you have Vampire Kisses.

 

 

Well, this book makes PC and Kristin Cast look good.

 

 

That’s something.

 

 

 

 

Actually, I take that back .  Vampire Kisses (as far as I know it) isn’t quite as offensive as House of Night.  It could though, with future installments.

 

 

A part of me really is thinking of continuing this as my drinking game series because they are painfully short.

 

 

The thing is,  the novelty wears off pretty fast.

 

 

Raven is such a fanfiction cliche of what a Goth is suppose to be it’s not even funny.

 

The plot itself is flimsy .  And the writing does not read YA. Well, modern YA.  Maybe YA of the 90’s.  And even then I’m thinking I’m pushing it.  It really reads like middle grade at best. And bad middle grade at that.

 

 

If the book would’ve been pitched as a parody, I think it would’ve been great.

 

However, as an actual novel, I’m sort of flummoxed about how it got published.

 

Well, I know how it got published.

 

 

Twilight obviously.  Well, I think Twilight was what got it’s US rights released.  It was actually sold to Belgium before that (surprisingly).

 

 

But it’s sort of sad the standards publishers will have.

 

 

Vampire Kisses does amuse me though.  The character, Raven, is such a trope it’s ridiculous.  Even her name’s a trope.

 

 

And it’s not like it’s the worst book I’ve ever read.

 

 

I did laugh.

 

 

A lot.

 

 

But again, not the sort of laugh you want to have.

 

 

More the kind of laugh that’s asking is what I’m reading real?

 

 

But it is real.  Very really.  As in a nine book series real.

 

 

I even wonder what you’d drink when reading this book, because besides a God awful main character.  There’s really nothing else to the book.  Except her whining.  No plot whatsoever.

 

 

It lacks catch phrases too.

 

 

But man, I know a lot more about Goth couture after reading this book.  And surprisingly, Raven doesn’t got to Hot Topic.

 

 

Not even once.

 

 

What is wrong with her?  Doesn’t she know that’s where all the cool Gothic people go according to My Immortal?

 

 

Well, I would’ve thought so considering just how similar this book was to My Immortal.  Except better written.

 

 

And a little less grosser too.

 

 

The thing was, when I finished it I really was wondering what I just read.

 

 

I think the fact that the plot was so flimsy, the characters were so 1d, and that there wasn’t anything really that remarkable about this book had me shaking my head.

 

I know that The Twilight Saga basically was the golden ticket for any crappy vampire book to get published, but this is just ridiculous.  It’s like every cliche that you can possibly think of thrown in a book and yet…it got published and I didn’t hate it to the point like I did with House of Night.

 

 

And I think that might be because Vampire Kisses  knew not to take itself seriously.

 

 

Overall Rating:

 

 

If a parody: A solid B

 

 

If take for real: Hahahahaha.  Um, no.  Just no.

 

 

 

 

 

Source: http://howdyyal.wordpress.com/2014/09/19/is-this-some-sort-of-parody-vampire-kisses-by-ellen-schreiber